What Are You Missing?

One of my favorite questions to reflect on – in a variety of situations – is “what am I missing?” This question has become invaluable for expanding my perspective, as well as for paying better attention to opportunities that can be easily missed.

For example, whenever my point of view seems divergent from the rest of the world, I have to ask myself this question.  I might also ask others, with a preamble, “I am not seeing what everyone else is seeing; what am I missing?”

As a big picture thinker, it’s easy for me to miss important details when listening as well as when observing. I might capture the big themes but miss critical facts. I often depend on others to fill in the specifics that matter to make something more effective. 

During training for active listening in leadership development programs, we assign some individuals to listen for facts, while others listen for feelings, and others listen for values.  Then, they rotate their assignments as they listen to someone new.  It’s interesting how some find it easy to listen for facts, while others find that the most challenging.  Same with feelings and values. And it’s excellent training to develop your listening skills.  Try it.

Ask yourself:  as you listen to others, are you more likely to miss facts, feelings or values? And when you speak in any given situation, what is most important for you to convey to others? When you think about this ahead of time, it may change what you say and how you say it.

Another aspect of missing out has to do with places and experiences.  When I ask what is most special about the city, state or country where someone lives, and what should I include on my list when I visit, most people can easily rattle off two or three landmarks or specific attractions.  When I ask whether they have been to those places, it’s interesting how many have not. Many of us tend to take for granted those special places that are in our own back yard. What are those places in your hometown?

Finally, what are you missing when it comes to people? Who are the people in your life that you tend to take for granted? Do those that matter most know they matter most? When was the last time you told them?

As leaders, and as humans, one of the most important skills we can develop is noticing.  Paying attention to people, things, and experiences, and learning to savor them.  Appreciate them. And in our digital world, where we often have our heads down looking at a device, it is easier than ever to miss things. Developing your listening and noticing skills can lead to a new level of awareness.

So today, as yourself:  What am I missing?